I Don't Know (?)

Everybody is looking at me to solve the problem

How did I get the privilege to be their Messiah?

 

Obviously, others see in me

What I cannot see

To do and be

 

Well, truth is I have a lot of unsaid ideas

But I need a driver while I act as the third wheel

 

In no way

Will I ever be able to describe

How from birth I’ve felt lost in searching for a guide

 

I don’t know what I know

Until someone says it is so

 

I play out all the right answers in my mind

Feeling forced to conceal it cause’ the risk is too high

 

I played the “I don’t feel like it” game too many times

Escaping my promotion for the umpteenth try

 

I get nervous when it’s time to make a decision

It becomes life or death to choose an ice cream without the clerk’s permission

 

I hate being small on the totem of life

Sometimes I get it right

But mostly afraid to stand on my own two feet consistently towards a truer life

 

I can see so much that needs to be fixed

I’m overwhelmed with the parts of life that is unconsciously sick

 

I have a master plan to rid the world of its pains

But it sounds insane

I’m just too weak to lead this brigade

 

Something in me says I’m born to lead

But when faced with choosing to stand - I have no feet

 

I could do many things if I didn’t have the burden of a chameleon spirit

It pushes me to think I’m wonder woman, the president and a genius inventor

 

I then realize these labels only fill the space briefly

For a troubled mind begging permission to be the leader within me

 

I know but I don’t know- how I don’t need a costume to prove my worth

Just seems easier if I could show me through my important line of work

 

I swear I would give it all up

If someone would tell me what I’m supposed to trust

 

I don’t know what I know

Until someone says it is so

 

Wisdom Speaks

 

Your right about feeling lost since birth

Your GPS has always been right but you don’t always make it the gospel you trust

 

The abandonment of self is an old trick of the trade

To help you sit out this life while others get to hear you rant and rave

 

Do you trust-

Or is this still a foreign concept?

Cause’ you’re one of the brightest people I’ve ever met

Sad, others may never get the pleasure of experiencing your leadership and wit

 

Your integrity and wisdom is beyond your years

Should I go on giving you compliments for something you unconsciously fear?

 

You can doubt your doubts until you die

But believe me if you don’t stop this, you’ll only be back for another try

 

Take the “W” off your chest

So your soul can breathe and rest

 

This thing that you believe will swallow you whole

Is only fabricated by your scary thinking in droves

 

Imagination works both ways so use it to grow your fruits

Be hypnotized by the trance of your grand garden of truth

As you walk the fields in your beautiful You-suit

 

Move beyond the emotional ceiling holding back your mind’s threshold

This time by communing with the fears holding you hostage in your own home

 

Peel back the layers of this onion

To stop seeing their opinions

As a final persecution

 

Are you noticing a trend-

In this wisdom being shared?

 

It’s all about your anxious thinking

To either be a victim or a Queen of Victory

 

Doesn’t matter if you’re scared

What matters is if you choose to sit stuck in the fears

Or either move with it as your shaky hands take the steer  

 

I think you would agree

That there is only one reason you even need to hear from me

So let’s make this clear

STOP FEEDING THE HUNGER OF THE FEAR

 

You know what you know

NO ONE has to tell you so

 

                                                             WONA

©2015Tawona Pearson, LCSW-C All Rights Reserved

Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited

Commit

Give me the sign it’s time to quit!

Let me know if this is it

 

My feet are burning

I’m on the edge

I’m ready to jump right off this freakin’ ledge!

 

I know I’ve been here a million times before

But this time I’m serious-

I’m walkin’ out that damn door

 

Don’t hold me back with your “should(s)” and “maybe(s)”

Confusion OVERLOAD

Exploding!

CRAZY!

 

Where is my help??  I’m dying up in here...

Voice of Reason

That’s because you won’t sit still

 

Your attention is racing all over the place

Fearing the commitments that will end your disgrace

 

Just know that your calmness has left

 

But I can’t breathe!.. I’m choking (cough)

Is this my last breath??

 

Don’t be so dramatic

Your lungs are just fine

Get a hold of yourself

It’s okay to just cry…

 

It’s the mission you keep signing up for

Bringing you back

And the reason you transition into these heart racing attacks

 

Yes, it feels scary to walk in your own shoes

The destiny you have chosen is something no one else could ever do

And will relieve you from constantly choosing iron balloons

 

And let me know,

Which one of your parents you want me to be

To move you from your self-imposed grief

 

Each time you run away your heart knows the naked truth

Your spiritual essence is always there pushing you

To stop choosing old wounds

                  

Caress your exposed interior because your mission still awaits

Gather whatever resources you need since your destiny will

                                                                         Never --go --away

 

Now is the time to put all you’re running to rest

You are here for several reasons that will begin

When you just learn to first commit

 

         

Commit pt. II   

There’s no way I can do this

I refuse!

I will never feel comfort in anything I choose

 

This time I’m standing firm

With both feet on the ground

It’s time to take the next step

But my left just won’t …push …down

 

Incomplete project number 366 is makin’ me sweat

With every step

 

I hear it’s due to abandonment fears

Making me fear this aloneness that isn’t really real

 

Can’t shake this feeling I’ve been here before

30 more life times might just even the score

 

Quitting is the anesthesia to my pain

The numbness that surfaces

Is a natural part of the forgetting game

 

Why is this so hard? My life is a mess

I’m tired of not feeling the full effects of any type of relationship

 

I just can’t go one more day

Feeling lost and confused about the ability to stay

 

I give up!

I’m not going through this anymore

I’m letting go of running, walking and crawling through mud

 

Voice of Reason

Are you finished?

Are you really done?

Or

Are you ready to do what your spirit is really hungry for?

 

Listen very carefully

Because we are going to the source

To release this false crippling force

 

The merry-go-round

That seems to be running your life

Is only a symptom and its called self-doubt

 

You start then run – start then run

Hoping for some kind of different outcome

 

You then buy tons of books to study each problem

Get overwhelmed

And lose all matter of focus

 

Then you find yourself hopelessly lost

Trying to figure out why nothing in your life ever works

 

Nothing works because of the denial to see your own truth

You’re running from one thing

 

Hold Hold Hold on...

Let me put on my shoes

Cause I can tell I’m losing you

 

Now –

 

The only thing you’re trying to resolve

Is this misperceived notion that your are

Inherently flawed

 

You’re swimming against the current so you can distract yourself

From the real underlying challenge

Of showing the person hidden under the mask

 

When you cover up, resist, and run

It looks like you have what is seen as

Commitment phobia

 

Nothing seems to fit

Only when it’s time to commit

 

 Underneath this shallow extreme

Is the source of what ails you

Makes you feel dead

Or just plain incomplete

 

You’re trying to learn with every wounded choice

Everything you need

You already possess

 

You refuse to choose to care for yourself

Because you believe

Someone should take on this detriment or mess

 

You want it to be that it’s someone or something

That causes you pain

You want it to be that you’re doomed and you should just be released

From this commitment mind game  

 

All of these sad love songs

Because you won’t commit to who you really are

Drowning in a tea cup of misconstrued rights and wrongs

 

Give yourself a break

Choose discipline versus escape

 

Go ahead and give yourself over to it

Cross that line and jump over the fence

Into the peace of being able to commit

 

Stop trying to commit creative suicide

Flip it around and use your courageous mind

 

If you don’t learn but one thing from this emotional stuff

Let it be that you’re always undoubtedly Good Enough

 

Honor your personality, interests, and higher wisdom

Practice those things called non-judgment and self-acceptance

 

You’ll soon see you have no problems

Especially the one called

A commitment phobia

 

WONA

 

 

©2015Tawona Pearson, LCSW-C All Rights Reserved

Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited